There’s a Chinese proverb that goes, “He who blames others has a long way to go. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.” While it might seem like just another old saying, it actually holds the key to navigating life abroad and finding your balance in a new culture.

Moving to a new country is an exciting, yet often overwhelming experience. There’s the language barrier, cultural differences, bureaucracy, and a whole lot of unpredictability. It’s easy to feel frustrated when things don’t go your way—when you can’t understand the paperwork, when public transport feels like a maze, or when nothing feels “like home.” But let’s break down how this proverb can help us expats thrive by mastering the art of not blaming anyone.

Stage 1: Blaming Others – The Early Expat Days

In the beginning, it’s common to point fingers when things get tough. The housing system seems inefficient, the people seem distant, and the process of setting up a bank account feels like it’s from the Stone Age. It’s natural to feel frustrated and blame the host country or even the locals for why things are “harder” than back home.

But the truth is, blaming others doesn’t change a thing. Sure, your new city’s way of doing things might be confusing or inefficient to you, but guess what? This is part of the expat adventure. Blaming the country or its people only keeps you stuck in a loop of frustration. So, it’s time to acknowledge that while things may be different, it’s not about who’s to blame.

Stage 2: Blaming Yourself – The Mid-Point

As you settle into life abroad, you might shift from blaming others to blaming yourself. Suddenly, you’re wondering why you can’t figure out the language or why you haven’t made friends yet. You start thinking it’s your fault—maybe you’re not adapting fast enough or doing enough to make it work.

But blaming yourself doesn’t solve the problem either. Sure, there’s always room for growth and self-improvement, but it’s important to cut yourself some slack. You’ve already taken the giant leap of moving abroad—that’s huge! Self-blame just drains your energy and confidence.

Stage 3: Blaming No One – You’ve Arrived!

Now, this is the sweet spot. The point when you stop blaming others and yourself. You accept things as they are. You start to realize that, yes, life abroad has its challenges, but that’s okay. Instead of fighting the system, you start finding ways to work with it. You embrace the cultural quirks and the unfamiliarity because it’s all part of the experience.

This doesn’t mean everything will be perfect, but it does mean you stop wasting energy on blame and start focusing on solutions. Can’t navigate the local transport? Great, that’s what Google Maps is for! Struggling with the language? Sign up for a language exchange. By letting go of blame, you empower yourself to adapt and thrive.

How to Apply This in Your Expat Journey

1. Go Easy on Yourself: It’s okay if you don’t figure everything out right away. Life abroad is a learning curve, and you’re doing great just by being in the game!

2. Embrace the Differences: Instead of blaming cultural differences, try to appreciate them. Think of how cool it is that you get to experience a new way of life, even if it’s a bit confusing at times.

3. Find Humor in Frustration: When things don’t go your way, laugh about it. It’s all part of the adventure! The more you learn to go with the flow, the more enjoyable life abroad becomes.

4. Focus on Growth, Not Perfection: Life abroad isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about growing, adapting, and finding joy in the process.

The Final Destination: Finding Peace Abroad

When you stop blaming others and yourself, you truly “arrive.” You find peace in the experience, no matter how chaotic it may seem at times. You realize that being an expat isn’t about trying to make everything fit into your preconceived notions—it’s about embracing the messiness of life in a new place.

So, the next time things go sideways (and they probably will), remember the Chinese proverb: the person who blames no one has arrived. And when you stop playing the blame game, you’ll see just how far you’ve come.